How to stop yelling at your kids: the few seconds before
Most parents who yell already know they don't want to. The hard part is the few seconds between the third “no” and what comes out of your mouth.
These are the practices Thriving uses to widen those seconds, and the studies each one is built on.
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The free account has a starter version of each of these: a minute or two, and a place to keep track.
One Breath
Close your eyes and bring your focus to your breath.
Find Your Level
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and observe yourself impartially and compassionately.
Be Human & Connect
Get in touch with a loved one, friend, or lost connection.
A Wee Bit Grateful
Write down one thing that you are grateful for.
The practices, and the research behind each one
Inside the app these are part of a twelve-week Program for parents, 90 Days to Stop Yelling, with All-Access. Here they are with their sources.
The 60-Second Reset
For the spike itself.
Balban et al. (2023). Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal. Cell Reports Medicine.
Zaccaro et al. (2018). How Breath-Control Can Change Your Life: A Systematic Review on Psycho-Physiological Correlates of Slow Breathing. Frontiers in Human Neuroscience.
Emotional Regulation Map
Build your personal emotional regulation map: triggers, body signals, urges, default reactions, and chosen alternatives.
Berking et al. (2008). Emotion-regulation skills as a treatment target in psychotherapy. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
Aldao, Nolen-Hoeksema, Schweizer (2010). Emotion-regulation strategies across psychopathology: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review.
Khalsa et al. (2018). Interoception and Mental Health: A Roadmap. Biological Psychiatry: Cognitive Neuroscience and Neuroimaging.
Body Scan — Mindfulness of the Whole Body
Body scans are a cornerstone practice in MBSR — systematically moving attention from head to toe, noticing whatever is there without trying to change it.
Cherkin et al. (2016). Effect of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction vs Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Usual Care on Back Pain and Functional Limitations in Adults With Chronic Low Back Pain. JAMA.
Black, O'Reilly, Olmstead, Breen, Irwin (2015). Mindfulness Meditation and Improvement in Sleep Quality and Daytime Impairment Among Older Adults With Sleep Disturbances. JAMA Internal Medicine.
Hofmann, Sawyer, Witt, Oh (2010). The effect of mindfulness-based therapy on anxiety and depression: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology.
Emotional Check-In and Limiting Damage
When you can't change a feeling, you can still limit its damage.
Hofmann, Asnaani, Vonk, Sawyer, Fang (2012). The efficacy of cognitive behavioral therapy: A review of meta-analyses. Cognitive Therapy and Research.
Hayes, Luoma, Bond, Masuda, Lillis (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
Berking et al. (2008). Emotion-regulation skills as a treatment target in psychotherapy. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
Thoughts Are Not Facts
Cognitive defusion: learning to notice thoughts as mental events rather than truths about reality.
Hayes, Luoma, Bond, Masuda, Lillis (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
Larsson, Hooper, Osborne, Bennett, McHugh (2016). A systematic review of cognitive defusion techniques on negative thinking. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science.
Beck (1979). Cognitive Therapy of Depression. Foundational text.
Visualize, Approach & Remember
A visualization + exposure hybrid: vividly rehearse the avoided action in first person, do it within 24 hours, then replay the useful evidence so your brain can…
Holmes & Mathews (2010). Mental imagery in emotion and emotional disorders. Clinical Psychology Review.
Renner, Murphy, Ji, Manly, Holmes (2019). Mental imagery as a motivational amplifier to promote activities. Behaviour Research and Therapy.
Conroy & Hagger (2018). Imagery interventions in health behavior: A meta-analysis. Health Psychology.
Meaningful Relationships
Identify the 3–5 most meaningful relationships in your life, create a recurring plan to nurture each one, and reflect on how to be a better partner in those…
Degges-White & Kepic (2020). Friendships, Subjective Age, and Life Satisfaction of Women in Midlife. Adultspan Journal.
Uchino et al. (2012). Social relationships and health: is feeling positive, negative, or both about your social ties related to telomeres?. Health Psychology.
Brown et al. (2003). Providing social support may be more beneficial than receiving it. Psychological Science.
A study finding a benefit in the people it tested is not a promise of that result for you. Follow the links and judge for yourself. All the sources.
It's rarely just one thing
A lot of 5:30 is about what's left of you by then: sleep, stress, time with the people who fill you back up. Thriving covers four spheres — physical, mental, emotional and purpose — and one or two practices from each is enough.
Everyone tells you what matters. Thriving gives you the exact exercises, somewhere to organize them into a routine that's yours, and the tools to keep going once the novelty wears off.
If this is affecting your ability to work, sleep or look after the people around you, talk to a doctor or a therapist. Many people do both.
Also on Thriving: Anxiety & stress · Sleep · Anger · Procrastination · Habits · Stress eating · Overthinking